Pain is Temporary
by The Young and Free Dragon
Summary: Private is alone, the team being far away and he is being bullied. It may be considered the same thing as school bullying, but for the young penguin, it is life changing and will make him question all he beliefs in and his principles. Rating inside.
1. Prologue: Always Hurts

**I am advising you now. This story contains violent acts and language of a frank ugly and cruel nature. This story is made for the purpose of entertainment, and to talk to readers through a story about issues. All songs are owned by: "KoRn". **

PAIN IS TEMPORARY

BY THE YOUNG AND FREE DRAGON

Now I see the times they change  
>Leaving doesn't seem so strange<br>I am hoping I can find  
>Where to leave my hurt behind<br>All the shit I seem to take  
>All alone I seem to break<br>I have lived the best I can  
>Does this make me not a man?<p>

-_Alone I Break _by KoRn

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><p>PROLOGUE: ALWAYS HURTS<p>

Anger, inside  
>whats within, my brain...<br>Why, you hate me?  
>What have I done?<br>You tried to hit me

-_Clown _by KoRn

Oh, my head. It's throbbing again. And that means I blacked out. But that's not where the pain came from. No, the pain is all that's left after what they did to me. I just fainted half way through... I wasn't knocked out though. Which I hate, because that only helps to prove their point.

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><p><em> "Look at this little pussy, man!" He says.<em>

_His paw- balled in a fist- smashes into my gut and I feel my lunch rising, as I spit it out on the ground._

"_Why don't you take steroids or something? Won't shrink any nads. You poor ass penguin. Not even born with your junk."_

_The other hits me again, this time across the face. My beak seems to crack and I feel warm blood leave my nose. _

"_Listen to his voice. He's a fuckin' girl!"_

_They laugh at me. The laughter tears into my skin and enter my blood stream. Traveling up my body and into my brain, tearing away at the last bits of sanity I have left._

_Stop, Private. I tell myself. Hating is wrong. You know it is._

"_Pay attention, dickless-!"_

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><p>The memory fades away at that. I don't want to listen to it yelling at me. What am I suppose to do? I sit up out of the garbage, my vision is blurring and giving me strange images of the night and the alley I'm in. I stand up, coughing and limping as my guts hurt as I move. But then again they hurt whenever I lie still. It's just a different type of pain. I seem to be feeling a lot of those right now.<p>

Pain one: The lying still pain. They bash their balled paws into my guts, into my face, my throat, my private areas, and it hurts while I lie there. A warm pain that seems to have an epicenter at where they struck me, and it spans outward like shattering glass.

Pain two: The moving pain. After the slap my face raw, and I feel a little better and am able to breathe without screaming in pain, I begin to scream as I move, the sore muscles and nerves shrieking as I force them to move.

Pain three: Maybe the worst one. The pain they give me mentally as they yell at me. I really question weather those things are true. I mean, what they say has a true basis. It hurts to except the truth but those old sayings seem to be right about that. The truth hurts. It's stranger than fiction. Well, maybe not strange... just ugly... like me...

But I can't change that, can I? But this isn't the issue right now. I've got to get back to the base and patch myself up. I'm running out of Kowalski's supplies... I wish Skipper had never sent me on this mission...

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><p><strong>This story is giving you a look through someone who is being tortured. Therefore, he questions belief and he is insecure. We all know that none of things that are said are true, but you know, that's how it goes. I hope you've enjoyed and the first chapter will be posted soon.<strong>


	2. Chapter 1: No Help for the Helpless

**I'm sorry for not updating sooner, my friends. Thank you for baring with me and supporting my stories.**

**As a little update for the rating:**

**This work of fiction is rated "M" for "Mature", due to; Language of a frank ugly and cruel nature, some potentially heavy violence, and some drug use. **

PAIN IS TEMPORARY

BY THE YOUNG AND FREE DRAGON

Now I see the times they change  
>Leaving doesn't seem so strange<br>I am hoping I can find  
>Where to leave my hurt behind<br>All the shit I seem to take  
>All alone I seem to break<br>I have lived the best I can  
>Does this make me not a man?<p>

-_Alone I Break _by KoRn

* * *

><p>CHAPTER ONE: NO HELP FOR THE HELPLESS<p>

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,  
>Pushing all the mercy down, down, down.<br>I wanna see you try to take a swing at me.  
>Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground.<p>

-_Thoughtless _by KoRn

_"I don't care if you can handle it, I'm not letting two bullies pick on you." Skipper was saying over the communication device Kowalski built._

"_Skippah, it is not that bad." Private croaked._

"_Just listen to you, Private. You're having trouble breathing I can tell. I'm sending Kowalski over to take a look at you."_

"_No!" Private hollered. "I am fine!"_

"_Private, if you don't want help, then why did you even call me?" Skipper shouted back._

"_I thought you would understand a sense of pride, Skippah! I guess not!" Private shouted, slamming the penguin-sized phone down, shutting it off._

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><p>Why did I even say that? I was so mean to Skippah, and I don't even know why. I mean, I still don't want them to come here, but it's not like me to be so aggressive, at least I've never thought I was. I understand Skippah's concern and I suppose I would do the same if I was in his position but I doubt he ever had to deal with this! The team coming and beating those guys up will only ruin my image and make me look like an easier target for future attack. I have to deal with this my way.<p>

A complicated series of knocks at the door of the large box I've been living in alerted me to Kowalski's presents and I sighed heavily. _Damn it, Skippah. _I went over and opened the flap that I had cut out that served as a door and looked into Kowalski's face. I cringed as did the tall intellect.

"Private, my lord, what happened to you?" He said.

"I thought you had disproved the theory of God." I growled as I turned away from him, ignoring his question and sitting on the cardboard floor.

"Well... I've recently gotten a bit religious and have begun my-..."

He kept talking but I tuned him out. I knew I could get Kowalski's mind off of something by getting him to talk about himself or something that interested him. He could go on for hours. God, it's annoying.

"But, I'm Skipper sent me here to cure your wounds..."

"Shocker." I murmured, rolling my eyes.

He began poking and prodding me, causing me to cringe in pain and even shed a few tears. I couldn't help but feel more and more angry at him as he did this. I knew it wasn't his fault, but for God's sakes, he could be a little more gentle!

"Private, why didn't you call us sooner?" Kowalski asked. "These injuries are rather serious."

"I wasn't planning on getting any help for them at all. They aren't important. The mission is."

"The mission is secondary when you are begin bullied." Kowalski scolded. "You know that. I told Skipper it wasn't a good idea to send you on this by yourself-..."

"I am fine, Kowalski! A bit of hard work takes it's toll!"

"Private, you are being completely unreasonable! This is not a show of strength. Skipper sent you on this mission because he thought you could handle it, but you obviously can't!"

"Get stuffed, Kowalski! I am fine!"* I shouted. "Now get out of here!"

Kowalski continued to protest but I pushed him out. I really don't want to have any problems with him, and I certainly don't want to be mad at him but, I can't help it. He's trying to ruin everything for me. Skipper is counting on me to do this and there's no excuses for not finishing the mission.

"Arse hat."** I muttered angrily.

After a few minutes of simmering in annoyance, I began to come back to myself. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Ever since this whole thing started, I've had no self control, and I haven't been thinking things through as well as I normally would (not to say I always made good decisions before). For goodness's sake, I don't even curse!

I guess it's because I haven't been getting a lot of sleep and I'm under a lot of stress. At least I hope that's the reason. This isn't an excuse for my actions of course. It's just a way of figuring out what I need to improve my atrocious attitude. Geez, I could use some sort of meds. I've heard humans have successes in curbing their feelings with medication. If I could get my flippers on some... Well, that will have to be a last resort. No need to go overboard. I've also heard they have trouble stopping the use of them, and some die from them. I wish Kowalski would have thought of that. He could probably figure out the best amount for my small body... Small... That seems to be my problem with these guys.

I rubbed my shoulder and sat down as rain pattered outside and began to wet my box. I tilted my head back and sighed heavily. I'll have to move again. I need to find somewhere secluded from the weather, but without the other penguins, building something is out of the question. I don't have the time. I have to get things going and get out of here as soon as I can. While I do need help dealing with the people here, I don't want to spend any more time here than I have to. Suddenly the small communicator rang. I picked it up and clicked it on.

"'Ello?" I asked in the most natural voice I could muster.

"Private, did Kowalski get there okay?" Skipper's voice asked.

"Yes, he's on his way back now." I replied.

"He's not even going to-..." Skipper sounded a bit peeved. "I expected him to stay with you for a bit."

"It's not necessary." I replied simply.

"Private, I think you need someone right now."

"Thank you Skipper, but... no offense but you've never been the best in judging what people need when it comes to matters of the heart." I told the truth.

"Private, I don't care whether you think it's good or not, I'm doing what I think is best for you."

I sighed heavily and countered; "Well, no offense Skippah, but you don't always know best."

I clicked the phone off and clutched it tightly in my flipper. I thought about throwing it into the rain but instead opened it again and turned it off as a call from Skipper was just coming in. I sighed heavily for what seems the millionth time today (and probably is) and lay down on the cold cardboard floor. Fuck getting a new home. I have no time for it. I have a mission to complete.

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><p>* <strong>"Get stuffed" is a sort of a way to tell someone to get lost. It's British slang.<strong>

** **"Arse" is a way of saying "ass". Saying someone is a "Arse hat" is like saying; "He's got his head up his ass". **

**I am betraying Private as being a teenager here, and as we all know, our sweet little penguin probably will act like this once he gets to those years. Everyone does.**


	3. Chapter 2: Burned It Down Anyways

**I started work on this just about a few hours after I uploaded the first chapter, since I figured it would take me awhile to get my arse in gear and finish this up. Thanks for the comments guys. I'm glad you are enjoying and I hope that you will continue to enjoy the story. This chapter deals with some sexual issues, which would obviously present themselves to a teen. You've gotten fair warning.**

**Will be edited soon.**

PAIN IS TEMPORARY

BY THE YOUNG AND FREE DRAGON

Now I see the times they change  
>Leaving doesn't seem so strange<br>I am hoping I can find  
>Where to leave my hurt behind<br>All the shit I seem to take  
>All alone I seem to break<br>I have lived the best I can  
>Does this make me not a man?<p>

-_Alone I Break _by KoRn

* * *

><p>CHAPTER TWO: BURNED IT DOWN ANYWAYS<p>

All of my hate cannot be bound  
>I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming<br>So, you can try to tear me down  
>Beat me to the ground<br>I will see you screaming

-_Thoughtless _by KoRn

I taste the words on the end of my beak, along with the blood. I spit them out on the gravel and curl up against the trash can. _Fuck... fuck._ I moan inside my head, and I might be speaking the words as well, I can't tell, my ears are still ringing. I want to say so many things to those guys... to hit them back, make them feel like I do. But I hold my tongue, and stay my flipper. But it's getting harder. This is the fifth time, and I'm losing sleep. I'm worried all the time and getting into worse and worse condition from it. The worry, sometimes is even worse than the beatings. But I can't tell Skipper. Suck it up. He'd say. Get over it.

What are you talking about? A voice inside my head snaps. Skipper would be furious. He would go ape shit, and kill those guys. He cares too much about you, and look at how you've been treating him. I shrunk back from the voice, as I realized it was old Private. Not the new, split personality Private. I keep forgetting which one of them is really in control of me. It switches I guess. I'm in that cool down period between the two. After the beatings, or when I get really riled up about them (I have lows and highs when I think of them), I become that mean Private. And then I cool down, and am kind of self pitying and then I become myself again.

Yes, certainly can't imagine life getting better than this. It actually is a bit better. I was in better spirits this morning and worked all day on a new home. I wasn't thinking straight last night, and may not now, but at least I have somewhere nice to go to. Safe, hopefully. I sat up out of the garbage and spit blood on to the stinking ground. Groaning a bit and my bones creaking as I get up, I lick my sore beak and wipe dirt from my face. It was still raining from the day before but I liked it. The rain felt good, rolling down my feathers (and places where they tore out my feathers), tenderly stroking those cuts and bruises.

I coughed heavily and it hurt my sides and throat, which were already sore for various reasons. The trip home is uneventful, and nobody notices a penguin waddling through the bushes in the heavy down pour. I went into my new base. I'd spent all day on it. It was a hole in the wall that led into a large basement space. I hadn't slept there yet and I was a bit afraid, but I'd tried to make it as welcome as possible. I set out my picture of Rico by my small makeshift bed. I haven't brought myself to putting my pictures of Kowalski and Skipper up and now is not a good time. I'm still a bit angry. I've also made it smell a bit nicer, I have a shower and feather grooming soap, some bandages and antibiotics, and hung some flashes lights from the ceiling that I can work with one switch. I was quite proud of myself.

I checked the communication device. Thirty calls from Skipper, forty messages- all in a matter of four hours since I last checked. The last one was forty minutes ago. I suppose Kowalski is making him charge the device. I bet he's told Skipper that's the reason I'm not answering, but he knows it's a lie. I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach, swimming around the ocean of my intestines like a sea monster, waiting to swallow my last boat of ignorance. And then I will begin to take on water, and then drown in the truth, I suppose. I know that monster will turn into an angel once I face it, but I can't. Not now.

I held the power button off and then stopped and put the device down by my bed, and head to the small shower. I can't bring myself to ignore him. If he calls again tonight, I'll probably answer.

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><p>I can't sleep as I lay in the bed. I feel better after taking a shower, and the bed is pleasantly warm, compared to the stale, cold air of the basement, but the dark is scary. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have to be honest with myself. I'm at least trying to, it's not been easy the past few days. And now I have admit something, in the darkness where no can see, but myself. But that was the hardest person to show it to. I hopped out of my bed and got Skipper's and Kowalski's pictures out of my bag. I wondered my they hadn't called back. I picked up the device and thought of calling them but put it down and began taping their pictures up on the wall, on either side of Rico, right beside my bed. I crawl into bed and stare in the almost total darkness until my eyes adjust and I can see their eyes. They took those pictures just for me, so I wouldn't have to be alone on the mission. I crush any feelings of embarrassment. Save it. They are my team, and there's no shame in loving them. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep with their watchful eyes on me.<p>

* * *

><p>I can fight can't I? Isn't that why Skipper's been training me for all this time? So what's the problem with my just taking the stupid fuck's neck and squeezing it until 'is head explodes? I growled this in my mind as I grit my beak and looked with loathing as the two bullies past me. I was hiding in a trash can. <em>Pussy. <em>I can't face them, not right now at least. I'm not ready. I don't want to either. I just wish they would leave me alone. The two otters. Muscular, probably consider cool by their peers, where ever they live. Brought up on sex and dope. Probably called the; "true definition of an animal" in the sack. But they've no balls. They're nads dropped off long ago, when they started acting like such assholes.

Ugh. Control it Private. Learn to at least. It's not healthy. I went back to my habitat and took a third shower of the day. I'd gone out to collect some Intel, and had to hide in a fucking trash can to avoid a bunch of steroid addicted twats*. I shook it again as I washed myself and got out, and went to a small desk I made. I picked up Skipper's log. He'd given it to me before I left, telling me he'd filled up several hundred tapes, and it was time I began taking my own log. It was time for new memories to be made. He told me I would be Skipper soon. I gripped my beak and placed my forehead against it, screwing my eyes shut as tears pushed and shoved their way out of my eyes. I've been afraid to use the log. I remember how old Skipper really looked whenever he'd smiled and patted my shoulder. Why would he give it to me? The thing is like... no _is _his life.

He can't die on me. Not now. I'm not even a fucking young adult. He can't. It's not fair. _But so many people lose the people they care about, much earlier than you do. Get over it. _But I can't-... I'm not... I want to be lucky. Why can't I be like those people who get their loved ones until they are ready to lose them! _It's the price of being who you are Private. Nice people finish last. Bet you that those bullies still have their parents. They still get all the love they need. _

"You're wrong!" I shouted, slamming down the recorder and sniffling as the tears rejoiced, free to go as they pleased. "They wouldn't be like they are if they had parents! Parents would show them the right way to live. Give them love and they'd show it! The wouldn't be so thoughtless..."

_So naïve, young Private. Skipper would be ashamed at how weak you are. How you can't live without him. It's fucking pathetic._

"He would not!" I screamed. "He loves me, and he would understand!"

_Keep believing that. And you'll keep getting hurt by the otters. Ever thought about showing them what you're made of? Show them how big your balls are? Taking every hit hasn't worked so far has it? So hit back. C'mon you dickless water fowl. _

The only thing I could find to hide in as the voice shouted at me, was the fact that I'm not suppose to have a penis. I don't need one. We birds don't. _A dick pleases a woman better. What do you think Marlene would say if you started kissing her and trying to lay her down and fuck her? Even if you had one, it would be tiny. Women would just laugh. Of course, why would they even go that far with you? They'd laugh at that ugly thing you call a face, and start riding real men like the otters. I bet you at the same time. Marlene would._

I ran and jumped into my bed, curling up in the nest of blankets and cried as the voice whispered to me. It kept attacking my crush on Marlene. It kept attacking my dependance on Skipper. It kept reminding my how helpless I am. It kept reminding me how... dickless I am...

* * *

><p>*<strong>If you don't know; "Twat" is another word for vagina. Basically how American's call each other "Pussy", but I've heard them use it in several different ways.<strong>

**Anyway, once again it is short, but it is establishing how Private feels and that is very important to this story. Sorry I can't blend this into more of the story line to come, but I'm not that good at writing.**


End file.
